Letting Her Go
by orchidluv
Summary: A O/S in Paul's POV from my latest story: Mute is Moot. It will not make sense without reading that first. Why did Edward put up with Paul being so close to his mate, even though it drove him insane with jealousy? This is rated M for mature content. Be advised!


**This is a Mute is Moot O/S in Paul's POV. RATED M FOR MATURE. Be Advised.**

 **This will not make sense unless you've read Mute is Moot.**

The first time I laid eyes on that leech lover, I was completely disgusted. What was she even doing on the reservation? She didn't belong here. She belonged in the den of the dead. I refused to look at her for long, completely ill at ease with her very presence. Jake kept her snuggled up to him most of the time and every time I heard her laugh, I had to fight with my wolf not to look in her direction. He wanted to run to her and throw her to the ground, lavishing that creamy, silky looking skin with his nose and tongue.

That pissed me off more. The spirit animal inside me was fighting against me over some filthy little girl who liked to fuck a popsicle. Jake got angry with the pale face for some stupid reason and stomped off at one point. He was going to phase tonight, I just knew it. I caught Sam's eye before we both watched him stomp away, his body trembling. If not, then he was better at controlling his emotions than most. Being the rightful alpha that wouldn't surprise me any. I tried to stay out of it. Let the leech lover just disappear back to the mansion where her undead creep lived. Unfortunately, hearing the way her breath hitched like she was going to cry and watching her scramble to her feet seemed to twist at my heart. She tripped over her own foot on the blanket she'd been sitting on and started going down face first, her hands gripping her dress to keep it from flipping up.

I was on her in a flash, catching her by the upper arm just before her little nose planted into the rocky beach. Her head whipped around and her eyes met mine. My grip tightened as all the negativity about this little filly went right out the window. I felt like a twat for even thinking those awful things about her. I warred with my heart and my brain for a split second as Bella found her footing. My breath left me in a whoosh as I righted her. I couldn't help the animosity of the situation though so I growled at her to be careful before letting her go and stomping away. I would not fall right into her lap like some starving puppy.

I kept to myself for two days before Sam finally demanded what was wrong with me. I had been a complete asshole to everyone the night of the bonfire so no one bothered me at my little empty shack until Sam barged in through the front door and ordered me to breakfast the next day.

"It's time you lean on your pack, Paul. Depend on us." He looked so sincere after being a big douche that I couldn't stay mad at him. He was right, after all. I needed the support of my pack for something like this. I stomped up the old wooden steps into Leah and Sam's house. Leah had just set the table for the pack - a huge buffet of breakfast foods - when Sam looked up from his newspaper, his face reflecting his shock. The rest of the pack was already there, gathered around the large oak table as Leah set out plates.

"You actually listened to me, Lahote?" He demanded as he set the paper aside and kissed Leah's arm as she placed a plate loaded with food in front of him.

I sat down and ran a hand through my hair as Leah set me a plate. I murmured a quick thanks and took a huge forkful of browned potatoes, sticking it in my mouth. "You fucking ordered me to." Chewing obnoxiously, I grumbled. "I fucking imprinted on the leech lover."

The pain that sliced through my chest at that statement had me inhaling sharply and I started choking on the food. Quil stood up and started pounding on my back as I coughed and sputtered. They all stared at me dumbfounded as I regained my breath and gulped down a large glass of OJ.

"Seriously?" Jake asked in a weak voice. "What the hell does that mean?" He was her best friend and only wanted the best for her. This would be something big for him to wrap his head around. She would be better off with the pack than she would be that ice cold dicksicle.

Everyone started talking and yelling all at once before I shut them all down with a heavy fist on the table top. "Shut up! It means nothing. I don't need to accept it and she doesn't need to know. Period. End of fucking story." I tried like hell to ignore the burning pain at that statement.

O--O

I was patrolling with Embry and Quil when the latter decided to open his mind and spew some bullshit rumors about my imprint. I watched as his thoughts reflected what he'd gleaned from our alpha earlier. Sam and Leah had gone to Billy's the other day and had a long sit down with Charlie and the Chief about Bella. Christ, the pain that seared through my soul when I found out she was dying nearly put me on my muzzle. Quil's chocolate brown wolf trotted up to me, tilting his head back and forth as he stared at me for long moments. My paws were seemingly glued to the forest bracken.

 _Guess it's not the end of the fucking story, is it Paul?_ He thought to me.

I couldn't even answer him. The possibilities flew through my mind at how I could be apart of her life if only for a little while until finally, Embry's thoughts broke through.

 _She's going to be a leech. She will die, but she'll be born again._

 _What the fuck!? How was that going to help me? Don't wolves die when their imprints die?_ I had to get out of there and go see Old Quil.

 _Good luck!_ I heard the twosome shout in their minds to me as I booked it as fast as my silver legs would carry me toward the shaman's rickety old home. If anyone could help me sort this mess out, it'd be him. The crazy old coot knew shit that no one else did.

I phased in his treeline and yanked the dirty brown cutoffs from the leather throng on my ankle, pulling them roughly up my legs as I walked briskly toward the back door of the faded blue house. The shingles were falling off in places, the blue siding was worn and chipped, the back porch was lopsided from age and rot. Old Quil met me at the door and opened it with a grim look on his weathered face. His hair was a long shock of white and hung limply in two thin braids on either side of his shoulders. He had a large white and gray feather strung into the left braid and kept a thick braided rawhide necklace around his neck that was decorated with beads and colored thread.

That's a promising look right there, I'll tell ya. His lips were pulled down harshly as he stared at me with his dark beady little eyes.

He directed me to sit on his tan and brown flowered suede couch. The springs dug into my ass but I didn't complain as the old shaman set a ceramic teacup in front of me. It smelled sharply of mint and sage.

"Drink that." The old man demanded in a raspy voice as his gnarled hands grasped his own cup and sipped. I did as he asked and no sooner was the last of the scalding liquid burning my stomach lining, my eyes blurred in and out of focus.

The old man poisoned me. I just knew it.

 _Shut up, you fool. I didn't poison you._

I opened my eyes, not realizing I'd shut them in the first place, when I heard Old Quil's voice echoing in my head as if he were apart of the pack mind. I wasn't sitting in the old man's home anymore on his dilapidated couch. I was sitting with my legs crossed in the middle of a meadow deep in the La Push wilderness. I recognized the area, having patrolled it many times. He took my hand as he appeared suddenly like an apparition and we walked sedately through the forest. He guided me through my life, step by step, shocking me with more information than my brain seemed to want to grasp onto.

When I left Old Quil's place after our little drug induced spirit walk, I felt lighter. I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with this yet emotionally, but I knew physically that I would be okay.

Walking into Billy's, I realized there was already a pack meeting going on of sorts, only Chief Swan was present. My mind immediately went to Bella. Who was with her, was she safe? Seeing the look on my face, Charlie patted the seat on the old plaid couch next to him and I plopped down roughly, dragging a hand through my hair.

"She's going to have to become a vampire." I murmured quietly to the room before heaving a sigh, trying desperately to dispel the tension in my chest.

"Yeah." Sam agreed as he grabbed his imprint's hand and kissed her palm. Leah leaned into him with tears in her eyes.

"She thought I pitied her." She whispered. "She's been through so much and she's still the strongest person I know."

I nodded, having seen snippets of Bella since the night I imprinted on her, despite how much I didn't want to be apart of her life, I knew I had to do something. Old Quil's spirit walk really cleared up a lot for me.

I decided I better tell the guys...as much as I didn't want to. "So the bat shit crazy shaman drugged me and made me take a walk with him in my dreams." Charlie choked on a swig of his beer and Billy clapped him on the back. I kept my eyes down and my voice low. "Bella's my imprint but she will never be my mate. More like a best friend or sister. God, I wish that wasn't the case but I've gotta deal with it. Apparently…" I paused and looked at Jacob then Billy, trying my best to look apologetic. "Apparently, Rachel has been in love with me for years and she and I will marry. Somehow, Bella's soul doesn't leave her when she turns so I won't die when she does. If I see her every now and then, I'll be able to live a normal life." I snorted then.

Normal my aunt Fanny.

"Rachel? She's coming home?" Billy asked in a strained whisper. I nodded. It's always been hard on Billy and Jake since Rachel and Rebecca selfishly pulled up roots and took off as soon as they could. I never particularly liked the twins at all but supposedly spirit walks didn't lie.

"I don't know when, but when she does she won't want to leave me, thus starting the future." My voice sounded defeated even to my own ears.

Jake slammed his fist on the coffee table. "Sure, she won't come home for me and Dad but she'll stay for you? This is bullshit." He growled, his body vibrating.

"Yeah, it's true. Sorry man." I shrugged.

"Not your fault." He grumbled as his shaking subsided after Sam clamped a hand on his shoulder.

We continued discussing the dilemma and decided that a talk with the Cullens was in order. We met up with them and they let us know that they already invited Bella to be apart of their undead army. With that resolved, we headed toward our homes but as just as I was about to phase human, Jake invited me to Bella's in the morning. I agreed. I wanted to be able to get as much time with her as possible. I had no idea when she was going to turn into a vampire so I wanted to be able to get to know her some.

O--O

Good God, what that woman did to me. She always dressed in the sexiest vintage outfits, her hair was always done up so adorable. I longed to wrap the silky strands around my fist and devour her whole body with my mouth. She kept me at a respectable arms length and though sometimes I pushed the boundaries, I never pushed her far. I'd heard what she'd been through and Jesus Christ, she deserved the world. The poor girl was a fighter, that was for sure. It was hard to think of her as a sister. There was just no possible way. She was sex on a stick and I'd rather claim her as a best friend.

I loved toying with her popsicle's mind though. The mind fucker was so easy to rile up. Yes, Bella was fuckhot and I wanted her tiny little body wrapped around me but I knew it was a lost cause. Didn't mean I couldn't fuck with the corpse though. He hated when I would imagine her completely naked, her perky little tits bouncing in time with the rhythm of our fucking. I had heard her moaning once when Edward kissed her and so I replayed that noise for myself over and over while I jacked off. Her vampire hated when I would picture that again and again. Never failed, he would always meet me at the treaty line and we would wrestle until someone got hurt. Usually he did, though he refused to admit defeat.

I admired the light pink scars on my side daily, as a reminder that even though he gets the girl, I get to keep my dreams. He can't take my thoughts away from me. Maybe I was being a little fuck about it but hell, he gets my imprint so fuck it. I didn't care.

It was a sworn secret not to tell Bella about the imprint. She could find out later, after she was cured of the disease running through her body, but not before. No one wanted to jeopardize her health and we all assumed she would put off the change if she found out. Hell, no one even mentioned the word imprint around her.

O--O

The next thing I knew, it was her birthday party and tonight she would start the change. Carlisle would hover over Eddie while he bit into the skin of my imprint's neck. The thought killed me inside. I put on a good front though, laughing it up and keeping her birthday merry. She deserved the world. I wasn't going to be allowed to attend the so called funeral. There was no way I would be able to keep my wolf at bay, watching as a _cold one_ sunk it's fangs into Bella.

Unfortunately, as the evening wore on, I couldn't keep my heart in my chest and it crawled its way onto my sleeve. When it was my turn to say goodbye, I begged the popsicle to let me have a few minutes with her alone.

 _I swear, no funny business Edward. Please._

Fuck, even I could hear the whine in my inner voice. I scoffed at myself inwardly as he nodded his head and backed up. Bella looked so adorably confused until the tears formed in my eyes. I felt like a schmuck but I couldn't stop them from falling, hard as I tried. I wrapped her in my arms and held her for as long as I could, wishing things were different. I held her as she shed a few tears with me, I held her until I heard Edward shift on his feet. I held her hand until I couldn't stand it any longer. I needed to get out of there so I could break down without her seeing or hearing me. So without another word, I released her hand and ran away, my heart breaking with every step away from her.

Why couldn't she stay alive? Why couldn't she _not_ have this disease? Why would the spirits give me an imprint that was destined to be apart of the undead?

Because life was unfair, that's why. Bella's entire life was completely unfair and now mine was too. Sure, I would end up living a happy enough life, but I would never get to make love to the woman.

To my imprint.

To the first woman I'd ever loved.

And I was sure, the _only_ woman I'd ever love.


End file.
